To Work or Not To Work...

This post is about: my personal choice between being a #workingmum or #stayathomemom

#maternityleave #motherchoices #beingamum #fulltimemummy #parenthood #financialissues #pregnancy #pregnancyissues #maternitychoices #twins #twinparent #raisingtwins

I am now officially on maternity leave. I'm only 28 weeks pregnant, but it is definitely the right time for me to leave work. With my PGP (see previous post on this), and how physically taxing my work can be, I was starting to struggle. I've been having dizzy spells and needing to nap, neither of which is like me! I also felt like more of a hindrance than a help, as I couldn't manage to do a lot of tasks I would have previously took for granted, and I hated having to ask for help all the time - especially when we were already short-staffed. So here I am, with 9-10 weeks before I'm likely to get called in for my c-section (if these girls don't make an appearance sooner...) and I'm free! (See my previous post on choosing when to take maternity leave.)

This raises the question of whether I'll be going back to my full-time job after maternity leave ends. I have plenty of time to decide this, of course, as I fully intend to take the entirety of paid maternity lasting around 9 months, and probably the additional unpaid 3 months also. However, the decision has pretty much been made already, and I'm going to share with you my reasons.

First off, the decision is certainly not mine alone. If I don't go back to work, my husband would be the sole provider for our family and we would not qualify for any benefits or relief in any way, other than Child Benefit which currently works out at £34.40 per week for two children, which obviously is not a lot. While he does earn a good wage, it didn't feel fair for me to ask him to take on this pressure so I could stay at home. I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum for the first few years at least, but having a full time job on a mediocre but fair salary like mine made it look unlikely that we could justify me staying at home.

The fact that we are having twins almost certainly pushed things in that direction, however. According to friends with children in childcare near us, the cost per day starts at £40 per child! So we would be looking at paying out £80 a day for me to be able to work, and I earn a lot less than that. Even paying for one child would have made us only marginally better off with me being at work, so to shell out childcare for both our girls would have just tipped it well over. Although we have a great support system, all of our parents are still working apart from my father-in-law who is in his seventies and not someone we could therefore ask to provide free childcare for two babies. The only way I could continue to work would be to work part-time on weekends or late evenings when my husband and the grandparents would be able to take over childcare. And that would mean next to no time as a family.

So, we have decided that, unless we have a change of circumstances in the next year before my maternity leave ends, I will be a stay-at-home mum. Even though our household income will be taking a significant decrease once I stop getting any maternity payments, I am very happy with this situation. Like I said, I've always wanted to stay home and raise my children myself, and I don't intend to have any more children after these two. This is my only chance. The reasons I want to be a stay-at-home mum are:

• My own childhood is full of early memories of being at home with my mum who didn't work due to being a single parent of two with no childcare. I remember doing lots of painting and craft-work, learning to bake and going to the park. I want my children to have memories like that too, not of the creche/nursery they went to and the things they did with people there. I want this to be our time.

• I don't want to miss out. I know it is unfair, as my husband will be working at least 5 days a week and only get a couple of hours with the girls before bedtime on those days so it going to miss out on so much, but I have the opportunity to be there for their first everything. My hubby actually said that although he may miss out on things, he would rather their first word, first step etc is in front of and because of me, than someone paid to look after the kids. So that's nice.

• I want to give my kids the best start in life, and as someone who fully intends to do everything I can to engage my little ones and teach them lots of things, I think that best start will be with me. This certainly is not a criticism in any way of parents who work, or of childcare facilities. But if I'm the one doing the majority of the raising of our girls, I know what I'm teaching them. I know their development or lack of, and I can dedicate myself fully to helping them be well-developed, knowledgeable, well-behaved children. And, as my husband says, if they turn out badly we know its me that is to blame!

I certainly mean no disrespect to parents who work - and let's face it, by the end of my maternity leave I may decide I would prefer to go back to work myself. Being at home all day with the children will be hard work, no doubt about it (I used to be a nanny and it was exhausting!) but leaving your children with someone else, even a family member, to go to work must be so hard too. For many people, it is the only option available to them, and one I know a lot of people would prefer not to choose. For others, they have worked so hard to establish a career and want to support their children financially, as well as be there for them as a parent, so going back to work gives them a chance to do this and not feel like they've thrown their career away.

But the fact is that I haven't worked hard for a career, I hated my job, it is not financially viable for me to return to work, and I am lucky enough to be in a position whereby I can stay at home like I want to, but my husband and I won't be too hard up financially as long as we are careful. This is why, at this time, I am considering not returning to work after maternity leave. That said, I have an entire year to change my mind or our circumstances to change. Who knows what will be?! This is what looks like it will work for us for the next few years until our girls are school-age, but everyone needs to make decisions that work best for them and their family. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for choosing to work full-time, going part-time or being a stay-at-home mum! As long as you are doing what is right for your family, that is all that matters!