Update: D-Day Tomorrow

This post is my final update on my pregnancy! #pregnancy #twins #pregnant #pregnancyjourney #csection

I have been meaning to update my blog and finish off some draft posts I have saved, but the last few weeks have just been so hectic that I've only really found time to Tweet! Gotta love Twitter and the ability to pretty much blog your life 150 characters (or whatever it is) at a time. (Follow me @StayingSaneBlog).

Anyway, here is the update - I'm booked in for my c-section tomorrow! At the 35 week scan we found out we would have been advised to have a caesarean anyway due to a significant size different between the babies and a little uncertainty as to whether the head down baby would manage to emerge first vaginally due to her sister having her feet tucked down pretty low. Baby 2 (the quieter one who is on the right-side and head down) was measuring at approx. 37 weeks at the 35 wk scan, so she clearly takes after her mother as I was a whooping 10 lb 6 oz at birth. Baby 1 on the other hand (much more active, punches and kicks with remarkable strength, much to my discomfort, and lying breech on the left side) was measuring at just under 33 wks. So that is something of a size gap. I'm not overly concerned about the little one though as she has always been so strong and active that I am sure she is a fighter and won't have any issues despite her size.

So we got booked in for the c-section at that scan appointment, which gave us a countdown of just 12 days! It has been a mad rush to get everything done in time, but although there are a few more little DIY jobs and things that aren't quite as we want them yet, my husband has done an amazing job on our house renovations and really turned this into a family home I can be proud of and we feel comfortable in. I've been told that I need to rest repeatedly by family and friends, and despite knowing that they are probably right, I couldn't sit back and do nothing while my husband worked so hard night and day, so I've been doing a little more than I should have and not really had the relaxed maternity leave I was expecting. But never mind, everything is pretty much done now and I'm so happy. Most importantly, everything is ready and clean for the babies coming home soon.

Emotionally, I'm not really there yet. I'm not sure if it just because I've been too busy to reflect on my impending motherhood and things haven't really sunk in yet. I'm hoping that is the case and I am suddenly hit by a wave of excitement and nerves today or tomorrow morning. But it could be that my anxiety levels have just reached their threshold with all the stress of getting everything done in time and caused my emotions to switch off to a certain extent. I know it sounds weird but when I get majorly stressed out, I just kind of stop feeling things fully. I did it with my wedding too. The mad rush to get things sorted and worries about what could go wrong just overloaded me and even though I enjoyed my wedding day and did feel something of the emotions I should have, it was as if there was a haze to my feelings. I didn't get to experience it fully. Which is a shame, and I hope that it is not the case for tomorrow, I want to feel everything. And I really want to feel a rush of emotions when I get to see my babies for the first time.

I'm hoping to only be in hospital for 2 nights, 3 at the most, as I know I will really want to get home by then, but I'm going to play it by ear and see how it goes. My oedema is now really bad. My feet are swollen so bad I may have to go to the hospital tomorrow in slippers because the only shoes that were fitting me are my ugg-style boots, and they are a struggle to get on now. My mother had to drive me to the hospital for my pre-op steroid injection yesterday because the swelling has spread right up to my thighs and I am struggling to bend my knees now, as well as my ankles and toes. Kneeling is out of the question, that is for sure! And the midwife at the hospital who gave me my shot yesterday informed me that oedema tends to get worse after surgery and can take a while before it starts to go back down. So my concern is that my mobility will be really poor between that and the incision. My husband will be having to dress me in the mornings by the looks of it...

But the important thing is that I am able to look after the babies - with assistance, of course. I am planning on breastfeeding and already have a good supply of colostrum I have been pumping and freezing in syringes as advised by the breastfeeding consultant at ante-natal class. If I am struggling to supply enough for both the babies or either is having issues feeding, at least I know there is plenty to keep them going in those syringes. The last couple of days I have not been producing as much sadly, I didn't even bother saving the few drops I managed yesterday. Last week I managed to get over 10ml with the electric pump in one day, which is pretty amazing pre-birth. So I think my tiredness and lack of emotional connection to the world is really having an effect - just another reason that I hope my feelings come back when the babies are born.

So, almost everything is pre-packed in the car and just a couple of things to pack last minute. Meaning the hubby and I can have a day of rest today. He has already started by having a massive lie in - he is currently sitting up in bed having a cuppa I made him, and he is planning to get up once he has finished. I, on the other hand, have been awake 6 hours and up for 5 of them. I have cleaned out our pet cage, put on two loads of laundry, sterilised the electric breast pump and used it, and wrote a to-do list for the morning so we don't forget anything! Not massively restful but only a few little chores really. So I'm ready for my lunch and another pumping session now.

I still can't believe that I should be a mum to two baby girls this time tomorrow - presuming there aren't any major delays. I may not be feeling all the emotions right now, but I still can't wait to meet these little tykes. I've wanted this for so long, and finally my dreams are coming true.

I won't miss much of pregnancy but I will miss my bump and feeling the babies growing and moving inside